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Monday, November 15, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa;
I know we have not always had a positive relationship but is not all my fault. How did you think I would react when someone told me a white guy in a car with no doors or roof would make it in my hood? You must have known I had no chimney. You could not make it past the locks on both doors and my jumpy parents to deliver gifts. If you landed your sleigh you would probably get robbed, maybe even shot if you fought back. The property value in my neighborhood would plummet and the police would spend way too much time harassing innocent hardworking people.
I would not be able to live with myself if you were killed trying to bring me a gift. Thats why I havent written in a long time.
Things are different now. I live in a much safer neighborhood. I still don't have a chimney, but my building is full of idiots who will buzz anyone in. I really only want one thing. I understand that the cost is over $200, but I hear those elves can build just about anything. I of course am speaking of the KitchenAid stand mixer. Think for a second about the wonderful things I can do with it. Think of how much time it would save for my cooking and prep. I eventually want the attachments too, but I will buy those myself. Thanks in advance for any assistance in this matter.

The Skinny Fat Kid

P.S. If you are coming, let me know ahead of time. Parking is a bitch sometimes.
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